How to Peacefully and Compassionately Prepare to Meet a Newborn Baby

As many of you know, in addition to being a RIE Associate and Pikler Pedagogue, I’m a certified doula. It’s been a great honor to support over 70 families during childbirth and the immediate postpartum period, and I’m excited to share a few principles I often share with new parents to help welcome their newborn with even more love and respect.

1.Begin as you mean to go on. 

It is possible to start things in a way you wish them to continue. Dr. Emmi Pikler helped us understand that, rather than attempting to recapture or recapitulate the conditions of life in utero, our task is to support the baby in a gentle transition into this world. I think this principle helps us understand that - while respectful caregiving with a newborn of course looks different than with a mobile baby or a toddler - the foundational principles are the same.

So the things that you might have already heard about the Pikler Approach, like freedom of movement, engaging in dialogue with the child, caregiving as relationship building opportunities… Those start from the very beginning - they don't come on at a later date. 

An important condition for gross motor development is that from birth clothing is used that does not restrict free activity or free movement of the limbs and head. Dr. Pikler advocated for the use of gowns or sleep sacks for a newborn baby. This helps the baby stay warm and can provide comfort because the baby's legs and feet can touch each other, similar to the way they would have in utero.

This is just one very small example. Consider what is required to prepare your home and to prepare yourself to start as you wish to continue.

2. Slow down.

You might have already heard this one before -  slow.. everything.. down... This is a wonderful practice to begin when you're expecting your baby. Being pregnant has a way of naturally slowing us down. Allow yourself to surrender to it. What happens when we truly, truly slow down? The pace of an adult is not the same pace of a baby, and it’s us that need to learn to adjust to meet the children where they are. When you slow down and allow for plenty of time, you help the newborn get accustomed to the routines of life out of utero. Moving slowly and with an inner sense of calm gives both the adult and the newborn a feeling of security.

Of course, it's not always as easy as it seems! Sometimes the excitement, the newness of being with a just-born baby can make us feel nervous or anxious. We might feel our breath and our thoughts quicken. It can take some practice to learn to meet the newborn with ceremonious slowness, to learn to recognize the not yet clearly visible but always present individual interests of the baby.

It is worth the effort of the practice because it's an important tool towards a relationship that is built on mutual comfort and enjoyment. Slowing down is how you and your baby will get to know one another.

3. Be present in the moment. Whatever moment you're in, be there in it.

Pregnancy and early parenting is a time when it's very easy to look ahead. And it's true that you do need to look ahead to prepare the environment to prepare yourself to welcome your baby home. But I would encourage you to bring yourself back to the present each day.

Part of preparing to welcome your baby is imagining what it will be like, but soon enough you won't need to imagine, because your baby will be here, and you will be in the moment with your baby.

Dr. Pikler believed that the infant is a personality from birth. Each baby - just like each person - is a unique individual.

You need to get to know them, so consider all the ways that we commonly get to know one another - like spending time together, listening to each other, noticing each other's interests. These are the same strategies we use to get to know a newborn baby. Being present, truly present with a newborn can take practice. But it is possible to come to recognize and understand the baby's individual personality, which is already present at birth.

When your baby arrives, allow yourself to release the imagination of your fantasy baby for the true pleasure of getting to know the baby that is right in front of you. Being present requires that you live in the moment with your baby. Being present together allows you to sense and learn to see what is being expressed from your baby.

The newborn learns to recognize the world for the first time from the hands and the voice of their parents. How important it is then, to give the full attention of our mind and our body over to the baby when we are together.

The newborn period is a most special time of development. This is when the baby quite literally opens their eyes to the world. I believe these principles help us meet the young baby’s gaze with compassion, respect, and love.  

"What is important is that we learn what is essential. What is essential is to observe! Get to know your child. If you really recognise what your child needs, if you feel what is causing him grief, feel what she needs, then you will respond in the right way. You will guide and bring up your child well."

Dr. Emmi Pikler